The Need for Continuous Improvement

Things were going well for me.  I spent 6 years traveling North America (2014 - 2020).  Now my mind is collapsing, so it feels.  I was never happy.  But there was finally some peace.  Unfortunately, I became complacent.  There was more I should have been doing.  There was more I should have been striving for.  I shouldn't have given up the pizza job and left Tucson AZ back in 2018.  I should have been focusing on my physical health as well - join a gym, stop smoking, add in some supplements (I recently started a Super Greens and a protein supplement).  And, I have cut back on the smoking (tobacco).  But, I'm not in very good shape (mentally).  I can't stop thinking about "the narrow gates that lead to life".  I already mentioned in a previous post how much my OCD tortures me.  I start a new drug for it soon.  

We should always be working on improving ourselves in every which way possible.  The search never ends until we've merged with God... maybe even then it still isn't over!  I started reading a Wayne Dyer book - "Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life".  I'm about seventy pages into it... maybe it's changing my thoughts a little.  Actually, any input into our minds is going to alter our thoughts.  This is where the importance of picking our friends and those who we associate with comes in.

I finished the book of Sirach in the Old Testament today.  What did I learn?  Blessed and wise is the man who fears God!  I also started a book which I would recommend to any Christian - "Philothea, or an Introduction to the Devout Life" by Saint Francis de Sales.  I always try to read as much as I can.  There's not much chess left in my life.  Although, I may fly out to the National Open in Las Vegas in June (or July, don't know the exact date) if my mental health improves.  I'm in no condition to be traveling or going anywhere right now.  All is not well, but I've been worse.  

There will be another day!

-Lizzi

   

Update 4-20-2021

 I'm opening up my homepage again - culturedmonk.com  Yeah, I just said I wasn't going to do anymore websites or Youtube videos in my last post, but I've got a lot to say and share with the World - I always have!  That being said, it will still be semi-anonymous.  I'm not opening up a domain in my full name again.

I started going to group therapy here at the home I'm staying.  They drive us to the Outpatient Services in a bus.  I do this on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  Today I learned the importance of getting enough protein if you are a highly stressed individual.  Interesting!  I just started taking protein supplements a week ago.  I bought a few other supplements off of Amazon as well.  I get a lot of stuff delivered here.  Thank you Uncle Sam for that stimulus check!  jeje!  I've bought a lot of supplements because of how skinny I have got.  I'm well over six feet tall, and I weigh 135... I'm wasting away.  I had a psychiatrist tell me I'm feeling like shit because I'm not eating.  Also been buying a lot of books off Amazon.  I'll review some of them here on my blog.  I'm looking forward to reading UG Krishnamurti's "Thought is Your Enemy".  This guy is a genius.  I read 3 other books of his early last year.  He tells us that there is nothing mystical about the natural state - it's a biological transformation rather than a spiritual transformation.  

I started reading the Bible every day.  Going to keep at it!  I had a spiritual friend and author tell me that reading the words of Christ has healing power in itself, reading the Bible can heal you apart from just learning the teachings.  Yes, I want to be Holy.  Holiness is happiness. 

Matthew 6:33  "But seek first his Kingdom and his righteousness and all else will be added unto you"

That's all for today.

-Lizzi   

2021 Mark Oestreich Memorial (Round 3)

 [Event "19th Annual Mark Oestreich Memorial"]
[Site "?"]
[Date "2021.03.13"]
[Round "3"]
[White "Buser, Landon"]
[Black "TERLIZZI"]
[Result "0-1"]
[ECO "C55"]
[PlyCount "113"]

1. e4 Nf6 2. Nc3 e5 3. Nf3 Nc6 4. Bc4 Bb4 5. Ne2 Nxe4 6. O-O d5 7. Bb3 Bg4 8.
d3 Bxf3 9. dxe4 Bxe2 10. Qxe2 Nd4 11. Qe3 Nxb3 12. Qxb3 Bc5 13. exd5 O-O 14.
Be3 Bxe3 15. fxe3 b6 16. e4 Qd6 17. Kh1 Qg6 18. Qf3 a5 19. b3 b5 20. c4 bxc4
21. bxc4 Rab8 22. a3 Rb2 23. Rf2 Rxf2 24. Qxf2 Qxe4 25. Rc1 Qd4 26. Qxd4 exd4
27. Rd1 Re8 28. h3 Re4 29. Rd3 Kf8 30. Kg1 Ke7 31. Kf2 Kd6 32. Rd1 Kc5 33. Rc1
d3 34. Kf3 Rxc4 35. Rd1 Rd4 36. Ke3 Kxd5 37. Kd2 c5 38. Rb1 Ra4 39. Kxd3 Rxa3+
40. Kc2 Ra2+ 41. Kc1 Rxg2 42. Rb7 f6 43. h4 Rh2 44. Rxg7 Rxh4 45. Ra7 a4 46.
Kd2 h5 47. Rf7 a3 48. Rxf6 Ra4 49. Rf5+ Kc6 50. Rxh5 a2 51. Rh1 a1=Q 52. Rxa1
Rxa1 53. Kc2 Kb5 54. Kb2 Rg1 55. Kc3 Rg3+ 56. Kb2 Kb4 57. Kc2 0-1

I finished the tournament 2 wins, 1 loss.  I played fairly well and am satisfied with my results.  I was also having really bad anxiety especially in the afternoon during round 2.  

- Lizzi

2021 Mark Oestreich Memorial (Round 2)

 [Event "19th Annual Mark Oestreich Memorial"]
[Site "?"]
[Date "2021.03.13"]
[Round "2"]
[White "Terlizzi"]
[Black "Cedeno, Louis"]
[Result "0-1"]
[ECO "B40"]
[PlyCount "60"]

1. e4 c5 2. b4 cxb4 3. d4 Nf6 4. Bd3 e6 5. Nf3 Be7 6. O-O b6 7. c4 bxc3 8. Nxc3
Ba6 9. e5 Nd5 10. Nxd5 exd5 11. Bxa6 Nxa6 12. Qa4 Nc7 13. Bf4 Ne6 14. Be3 O-O
15. Nd2 d6 16. f4 dxe5 17. dxe5 d4 18. Bf2 Nxf4 19. Nf3 Bc5 20. Rad1 Ne2+ 21.
Kh1 Nc3 22. Qb3 Nxd1 23. Rxd1 Qe7 24. Bh4 Qe6 25. Qb1 h6 26. Qe4 Qxa2 27. Qg4
Qe6 28. Qg3 Kh7 29. Re1 a5 30. Bg5 a4 0-1

2021 Mark Oestreich Memorial (Round 1)

 [Event "19th Annual Mark Oestreich Memorial"]
[Site "Salem Illinois"]
[Date "2021.03.13"]
[Round "?"]
[White "P. Sarwinski"]
[Black "TERLIZZI"]
[Result "0-1"]
[PlyCount "62"]

1. e4 Nf6 2. e5 Nd5 3. d4 d6 4. f4 g6 5. Nf3 Nb6 6. Nc3 Bg7 7. Be2 O-O 8. O-O
dxe5 9. fxe5 Nc6 10. Be3 Nd5 11. Nxd5 Qxd5 12. c4 Qe4 13. Qd2 f6 14. e6 Rd8 15.
d5 Ne5 16. Qd4 Nxf3+ 17. Bxf3 Qxd4 18. Bxd4 Bxe6 19. Rfe1 Bf7 20. Rxe7 Rac8 21.
Bxa7 b6 22. c5 Bf8 23. Re3 Bxc5 24. Kf2 Bxe3+ 25. Kxe3 Ra8 26. Bxb6 cxb6 27. b3
Bxd5 28. Bxd5+ Rxd5 29. a4 Re8+ 30. Kf3 Rd3+ 31. Kg4 Re4# 0-1

Why Technology Has Broken My Heart

 Yeah, I know... this is the ultimate self-contradicting blog post.  But, I wish computer and internet technology never came to be.  Things were so much simpler a few decades ago.  Computer and internet technology leads to faster and larger data consumption which ultimately means things will have to get done faster.  Information overload.  ADHD, anyone?  Back in the day, when we needed knowledge, we read books... and I promise you will learn more through books than any Google search!  People get themselves in trouble through web-publishing, mostly via social media.  I did away with the majority of my social media accounts over the past couple of years.  And always remember, whatever we upload to the web is up there forever in some form or another.

Chess... computers are literally solving the game of chess.  I don't even know if there will be professional chess 50 or 100 years from now.  There's too many draws at the top level as opening theory keeps improving thanks to computers.  The first 15 - 25 moves are memorization.  There's no more mistakes in openings which means more draws, obviously.  The creativity of the game is nearly extinguished.  

Smart technology... I don't trust it.  My smartphone spies on me.  I've been talking to friends/family about someone (a celebrity), and then I get home and see an ad for that person pops up on my suggested videos... creepy.  What's next?  ...technology that can read our thoughts? 

God Help Us!

- Lizzi