Chess

Even to this day I still am trying to figure out what I want to dedicate my life to.  Maybe chess is it, maybe not.  However, (I shouldn't be saying this) I lost my passion for the game (chess) many years ago.  I just don't have that drive in me anymore like I did when I was a teenager.  Actually,  I don't think I have a drive left in me for anything.  

Sometimes, I ask myself, "What is the point of playing chess competitively if  you're not going to get the master title and play on a national level?".  Why should I do it?  What is the point of playing just for fun?  On the other hand, without amateurs like myself, there would be  no professionals.  I guess you could say that by my playing, I'm supporting the game Worldwide.  

Can I still even improve my game at my age?  Sure, I can become more knowledgeable in endgames studying endgame diagrams, and I can expand on my knowledge of openings.  However, I doubt I can improve my core playing skill.  

I am good at the game (I won't deny that).  One of the best days of my life was a tournament I won back in 2012 in my hometown.  When I look back on it, I wonder how that didn't give me the motivation to start busting my ass everyday, working on improving my play.  I had an friend from Italy who once told me a while back to find my passion again for the game.  Is this really something someone can do.. to make things find passion again in something they lost their passion for before?  Maybe...  I think that, perhaps, chess is who I am (been playing in tournaments since 1996) and for me to give up the game is not being true to myself.  I wish I could find a career in chess organizations like the United States Chess Federation.  I mean, obviously I'm not going to be a professional chess player, but perhaps I can still find a profession in chess (in the chess world).

"You bring something to society by being a damn good chess player!"  -  G. Jokipii

I'm heading south soon.  I can't be around for the cold weather.  Some nights I have to sleep in my car.  I am effectively homeless at this time.  But, I have a car with a warm blanket, pillow and a lot of chess books!

- Lizzi