Crushing the Scandinavian (Played on FICS 11.07.2020)

 1. e4 d5 2. exd5 Qxd5 3. Nc3 Qa5 4. b4 Qxb4 5. Nb5 Qa5 6. Bc4 c6 7. Bxf7+
Kxf7 8. Qh5+ Kf6 9. Bb2+ e5 10. Qxe5+ Kg6 11. Qe8+ Kh6 12. Qxf8 Nf6 13. Qxh8
Nh5 14. Qxc8 Qxb5 15. Qe6+ g6 16. Bd4 Na6 17. Be3+ Kg7 18. Qe7+ Kg8 19. Nf3
Rf8 20. Ng5 Nf6 21. Ne6 Rf7 22. Qd8+ 1-0

 I encounter the Scandinavian from time to time, never had good results against - especially in tournament play.  I learned these tactics and traps from IM Rosen's Youtube Channel withe the video of the same name - "Crushing the Scandinavian"!

- Lizzi

Cochrane Gambit Miniature (Played on FICS 11.05.2020)

 1. e4 e5 2. Nf3 Nf6 3. Nxe5 d6 4. Nxf7 Kxf7 5. d4 g6 6. Nc3 Kg7 7. Bc4 d5 8.
Nxd5 Nxe4 9. Qf3 Nd6 10. Bb3 Be6 11. O-O c6 12. Nf4 Bxb3 13. Qxb3 Qb6 14. Qe6
Na6 15. Nh5+ *

A Simple Sicilian Loss (Played on FICS 11.02.2020)

 1. e4 c5 2. Nf3 Nc6 3. d4 cxd4 4. Nxd4 e6 5. Nxc6 bxc6 6. Nc3 d5 7. exd5 cxd5
8. Bb5+ Bd7 9. O-O Bxb5 10. Nxb5 a6 11. Nd4 Qc7 12. c3 Bd6 13. g3 Nf6 14. Re1
Ne4 15. Qa4+ Kf8 16. f3 Nc5 17. Qc6 Qxc6 18. Nxc6 Rc8 19. Ne5 Bxe5 20. Rxe5
Nd3 21. Re2 Nxc1 22. Rxc1 Ke7 23. Rd1 Rhd8 24. f4 Kf6 25. Kf2 a5 26. g4 g6
27. Kf3 Rc4 28. g5+ Kg7 29. Rd4 Rxd4 30. cxd4 Rc8 31. Ke3 a4 32. Kd3 Rb8 33.
Kc3 h6 34. h4 hxg5 35. hxg5 Rb6 36. b3 axb3 37. axb3 f6 38. b4 fxg5 39. fxg5
Kf7 40. Rf2+ Kg7 41. Rf6 Rc6+ 42. Kb3 Rb6 43. Ka4 Rc6 44. b5 Rc4+ 45. Ka5
Rxd4 46. Rxe6 Kf7 47. Rd6 Rd1 48. b6 Ra1+ 49. Kb5 Rb1+ 50. Kc6 Rc1+ 51. Kxd5
Rb1 52. Kc6 Rc1+ 53. Kd7 Rb1 54. Rc6 *

Spiritual Experiences

 Congratulations to GM Irina Krush for winning the 2020 US Women's Chess Championship.  It was held online and broadcasted via The STL Chess Club and Scholastic Center youtube channel.  I watched most of it.  The tournament lasted 4 days.  Irina was the only Grandmaster there.  She had an undefeated score, with I believe 3 draws.  There certainly was some brilliancy in a few of the games.  

The 2020 US Chess Championship begins Monday, October 26th.  First place is $40,000 - not bad!  I will be looking forward to watching the games online this coming week. 

A lot of tournaments these days from The US Chess Federation going completely online.  No thanks, not for me.  I keep searching and searching for any Over The Board tournaments.. can't find any.  I can't get my rating way tf up there if I'm not playing.  I really want to get to 2000 Elo. 

In other news...

Last night I "Googled", "How to have a spiritual experience".  Shame on me!  I've written before that people simply want these petty experiences because it brings them comfort.  But, I am ready for God to reveal himself to me (again).  I am ready to be given the key to shut my mind off.  Or am I?  I read that, ultimately, our awakenings come to us only when God knows we are ready for them.  It is our duty to put ourselves in that situation.   I also read somewhere online about "window-dressing",  burning incense, lighting candles and all that nonsense in an attempt to ignite an awakening.  There is nothing wrong with our life, our situation as it is.  We think we need to "window dress" because the egoic mind always believes what is happening right now and right here isn't good enough.  The task is for us to realize that nothing is ever lacking as it is.  Of course, some other websites I read recommended using psychedelics... no thank you!  I don't like drugs... of any kind!  Psychedelics can damage the nervous system.  My mind has never responded well to anything like that anyways.. especially marijuana, it gives me intense panic attacks!  I'm not going to be a monk, no thank you.  It's not necessary.  I bought a book a while back about wilderness being the "Gateway to the Soul".  I camped for a little bit in the forests a couple weeks ago.  I hated it.  I hate tent-camping.  ...it's the opposite of enlightening to me.  Another suggestion is to expand your mind through reading books from and talking to people who have different experiences and life-backgrounds from you.  Yeah, I think that can help.  Personally, I just want to learn to pray more, and I want to start reading the Holy Bible every day.  I want to buy a rosary and learn to "pray the rosary"... every day!    My last spiritual experience:  I stopped taking my medicine back in 2013, I thought I was in Hell for nearly half a year, and I suffered two stress-induced seizures and had 3 hospitalizations.  Hopefully I can make my next one a little more pleasant!

I've got about 35 pages wrote for a book I've been working on since last Spring (2020).  It's a lot of philosophy and religion stuff.. and some of my thoughts regarding psychology.  I already have two kindle books published.. but.. I want a full-length physical book!  It is my life's mission (one of my life's missions).  I hope to publish it independently and for it to sell and then have a major publisher buy it.  I don't have the answers though.  Maybe I shouldn't finish it until I've mastered my own life...

I need to get a job because I need to get a better car that is okay for cross-country travel because I need to hit the road again because, for me, wandering around the country is the gateway to my Soul.  I've had a lot of experiences from my travels over the past 6 years.  Crazy times!  And met some real characters!  My favorite city is Montreal QC.  I love Canada..   Shall not an enlightening experience simply be what brings us joy?  Joy itself is what enlightenment is!  But, this is the joy of being in God's presence which is something 99.99% of the human population has never experienced...

Yes, this weeks mission: GET A JOB!  I want to trade my car in for a Subaru Impreza Hatchback.  I can't afford a Subaru Outback although it would be easier to wander around North America in.  But, the Impreza hatchback will suffice.

My heart is broken, in all honesty.  Only God can heal it.  My parents broke my heart.  And I broke my own heart for some of the things I use to stay to and they I treated my father as a teenager.  I'm not going to go into details here.. I already wrote a memoir about my teen years and published it through Kindle.  My parents did some really shitty things to me though.  I'll leave it at that.  I'm 35 and I've never really been a relationship, I've never held a job for very long and I don't have many friends.  I had to drop out of High School because I was sick.  My brother is dead.  Only God can heal my broken heart right now.  I'm done with the "happy pills" people always suggest I get on.  I don't want that to be me.  Pills are still drugs, even though psychiatric.. they can damage the nervous system as well.  I only take one pill a day now for my mood.. been that way for over a year now.    

Boo for me, sorry I try to avoid this kind of blogging anymore...

I logged back in to Lumosity the other day for the first time in several years.  Yes, brain training!  Neuroplasticity!  Neurogenesis!  I'm going to buy a subscription from them again and start the mental aerobics again... everyday!

CBD... I stopped in the middle of this post to smoke some CBD.  I tried it for a half a year - the first half of 2020.  I guess I'll give it another try.. maybe.  I smoked some of it yesterday for the first time several months.  I'm skeptical it will help me.  It never has in the past.  I read an article online about Tommy Chong sharing his thoughts.  It got me interested in it again.  I'm desperate.  I think it's over-rated though.  I don't get the slightest sense of it treating my anxiety or depression.  I think a lot of ppl don't even know what they're talking about when they it helps.  Placebo, typical herbal remedy.

There's a new chess mini-series on Netflix, - "The Queen's Gambit".  Fictional story about a female chess player who dominates all competition.  I guess it's the female Bobby Fischer or something.  I still have to get my Netflix running again on my TV.  I watched "Borat 2" on Prime on my PC the other day.  It was NASTY - the fertility dance made me want to vomit.

I wanted to be the next Bobby Fischer.  It turns out I'm just the first me. 

It's nice having a place to stay for a while

There will be another day

- Lizzi

 

I missed an EASY win (Played on FICS 10.21.20)

1. Nf3 Nf6 2. c4 g6 3. b3 Bg7 4. Bb2 O-O 5. e3 d5 6. Be2 c5 7. cxd5 Nxd5 8.
Bxg7 Kxg7 9. Nc3 Nb4 10. d4 Bf5 11. Rc1 Qa5 12. a4 Rd8 13. O-O N8c6 14. Bc4
e5 15. d5 Bg4 16. h3 Bf5 17. g4 e4 18. gxf5 exf3 19. Qxf3 Ne5 20. f6+ Kh8 21.
Qf4 Nbd3 22. Qh6 Rg8 23. Bxd3 Nxd3 24. Ne4 g5 25. Rc3 Ne5 26. f3 Rg6 27. Qh5
Nd7 28. Kh1 Rag8 29. Rg1 Nxf6 30. Rxc5 Qb4 31. Nxf6 Rxf6 32. Rb5 Qe7 33. d6
Rxd6 34. Rbxg5 Rxg5 35. Rxg5 Qxe3 36. Qxf7 Qxg5 37. Qf8+ Qg8 38. Qxd6 Qxb3
39. Qf4 Qb1+ 40. Kg2 Qg6+ 41. Qg4 Qxg4+ 42. fxg4 Kg7 43. Kf3 b6 44. Ke4 a6
45. Kd5 b5 46. axb5 axb5 47. Kc5 Kf6 48. h4 Ke5 49. Kxb5 Kf4 50. g5 Kg4 51.
Kc5 Kxh4 52. Kd4 Kxg5 53. Ke3 Kg4 54. Kf2 Kh3 55. Kf3 h5 56. Kf2 Kh2 57. Kf3
h4 58. Kf2 Kh3 59. Kf3 Kh2 60. Kf2 h3 *

DRAW

30 ...Qb4?  30 ...Qxc5 out right wins a piece!  God ******!!  You see, this is why you GO OVER YOUR GAMES.  I still need to buy an engine.  I'm just using my mind to analyze my games.  I need something more powerful.. like.. Fritz 17 on 8-core processor.  Too bad I'm poor.  I actually need to book another appointment with Turzo (IM) to go over the last few games I've posted here on my blog.

There will be another day!

- Lizzi

Passion

How much easier life would be if I loved mastering what would earn me a lot of money... if I loved studying something that would get me somewhere.  I like chess, foreign languages wildlife - my three passions!  I've actually been making some recent progress with chess after all these years.  I used to have to force myself to study tactics, now I practice with Chesscom's tactics trainer for fun as well as to improve my game, and I am making fast progress.  My current Puzzle rating on Chesscom is 2300+ ...been climbing the ranks over the past few months.  In the past, I would try it for a few weeks, and if I didn't notice any improvement, I would quit.  Now, I've stuck with it and it has paid off... a lot.  But, you've have to be playing as well, and you have to be studying other books - study anything by Jeremy Silman.  You really need to go at it from all angles.  You'll improve if you do this, I promise.  I'm almost middle aged and am still getting stronger!  This applies to all else outside of chess, as well!  I studied French for Dummies over the Summer (2020).  I thought, I'll read this and then be a Francophone.  No, it doesn't work like that.  Again, you have to go at it from all angles!  I needed to be practicing the French I was studying and watching more movies en Francais.  And studying other French books whilst studying French for Dummies.  

"Chess demands total concentration and LOVE for the game" - Bobby Fischer

I think, perhaps, if we start studying something we love then all the studying we're are doing will help us become even more passionate.  I once had a friend from Italy who told me to find my passion for the game (chess).  He advised me to find my lost love again for chess.  I may have mentioned this in an earlier post... but yes, I think I have.  I just started playing more and thinking about chess more out of my own will and now the passion is back.  No, no quite what is was as when I was a teenager, but it's certainly there again.  

So, apply all of this to French?  Perhaps..  The seed is already there I just need to water it.  Work, come home, study chess, study French, watch a movie en Francais, go to bed, repeat.

I don't have time for women.  They will hold me back.  Nothing against women, I'm just not really a lover boy.  I've said this before (not here but to others in the past).

I need a job, first.. doiiiiiiiii !!!  Hmm...  I can't sit around this all day and do nothing but study.  I'll go insane!  I already feel like a p.o.s. for being a bum.  Not sure, what kind of work to do right now.  I would deliver pizzas first, but my car is not holding up very well.  **** fast food!  Maybe I'll bag groceries or something.  Making money online through web-publishing and what not is too hard!  I tried building an online brand over the years, but no one really gave two sh*ts about what i had to say.  I wanted to be a Youtube star jajajajaja  Every Youtuber does...   

There will be another day!

- Lizzi

9 Thoughts

Imagine as though you are meeting close friends and family members for the first time.  Would you still say hurtful things to them?  Would you not show them more respect? 

~

 What did I learn from my Youtube channel?  ...my own hubris may very well be the downfall of me

~

"Basically" is the most over-used word in the English language

~

Stop caring if people like you or not, and you will see more people will like you as they will become aware that you are a genuine individual who feels good about themselves.  You will become more attractive!

~ 

I don't like comedians, they're too happy... total bs!

~

Extreme situations (life or death, heavenly pleasures, etc..) put us in a state where are so-called problems are no longer there 

~

More money leads to more happiness through buying more experiences

~

Boredom kills brain cells!

~ 

Lizzi is still searching for his original idea!

~

- Lizzi

TERLIZZI Saves (Played On FICS 10.17.20)

 1. d4 Nf6 2. c4 g6 3. Nc3 Bg7 4. Nf3 d6 5. h3 O-O 6. e4 e5 7. d5 Na6 8. Be3
Nd7 9. Be2 Ndc5 10. O-O f5 11. exf5 gxf5 12. Bg5 Qe8 13. Ne1 Qg6 14. f4 Ne4
15. Bh5 Qxh5 16. Qxh5 Ng3 17. Qf3 Nxf1 18. Qxf1 Nc5 19. fxe5 dxe5 20. Qe2 f4
21. Nf3 Bf5 22. Rd1 e4 23. Nh4 f3 24. gxf3 Bxh3 25. Nxe4 Rae8 26. Qh2 Nxe4
27. fxe4 Bg4 28. Re1 Bd4+ 29. Be3 Be5 30. Qg2 Kh8 31. Qxg4 Rg8 32. Bg5 h6 33.
Qh5 Rxg5+ 34. Qxg5 hxg5 35. Ng6+ Kg7 36. Nxe5 Rxe5 37. Kg2 Kf6 38. Kg3 Ke7
39. Kf3 Kd6 40. b4 c5 41. b5 b6 42. Rh1 Re7 43. Rh6+ Ke5 44. Rg6 Kd4 45. Re6
Rd7 46. Kg4 Kxc4 47. d6 Kd4 48. e5 c4 49. Re7 Rd8 50. d7 c3 51. e6 c2 52. Re8
c1=Q 53. Rxd8 Qf4+ 54. Kh5 Qh4+ 55. Kg6 Qe4+ 56. Kf6 Qe5+ 57. Kf7 Qf5+ 58.
Ke7 Qh7+ 59. Kf6 Qh6+ 60. Kf7 Qh7+ 61. Kf6 Qh6+ 62. Kf7 Qh7+ 63. Kf6 Qh6+ 64.
Kf7 {Game drawn by repetition} 1/2-1/2

Down a queen for a rook and came back to draw.  I almost resigned when he trapped my Queen!  I need to go over this one with Fritz.  I think I actually missed a win in the Endgame.

There will be another day!

- Lizzi

In all seriousness (played on FICS 10.16.20)

 [Event "rated standard match"]
[Site "Free Internet Chess Server"]
[Date "2020.10.16"]
[Round "?"]
[White "gorom"]
[Black "cterlizzi"]
[Result "1/2-1/2"]
[WhiteElo "1952"]
[BlackElo "1754"]
[ECO "A05"]
[TimeControl "900+10"]

1. Nf3 Nf6 2. c4 g6 3. b3 Bg7 4. Bb2 O-O 5. d4 c5 6. dxc5 Qa5+ 7. Qd2 Qxd2+
8. Nbxd2 Nc6 9. e3 Nb4 10. Kd1 Ng4 11. Bxg7 Kxg7 12. Ke2 b6 13. h3 Nf6 14. a3
Na6 15. cxb6 axb6 16. b4 d6 17. Nd4 Bb7 18. f3 Nxb4 19. g4 e5 20. Nb5 Rfd8
21. Bg2 Nc6 22. Rhd1 Rac8 23. f4 exf4 24. exf4 Nd4+ 25. Kf2 Bxg2 26. Kxg2
Nxb5 27. cxb5 Rc2 28. Kf3 Rdc8 29. Ne4 Nxe4 30. Kxe4 R2c3 31. Rxd6 Rxh3 32.
Rxb6 Rc4+ 33. Kd5 Rxf4 34. a4 Rxg4 35. a5 Rh5+ 36. Kc6 Rc4+ 37. Kb7 Rd5 38.
Ka7 h5 39. Rb7 h4 40. b6 h3 41. Rc7 h2 42. Rxc4 Rxa5+ 43. Rxa5 h1=Q 44. Rc7
Qg1 45. Kb7 Qe1 46. Ra7 Qe4+ 47. Kb8 Qe8+ 48. Rc8 Qe5+ 49. Rac7 g5 50. Ka8 g4
51. Ra7 Qd5+ 52. Kb8 g3 53. Rcc7 Qd8+ 54. Kb7 g2 55. Ra1 Qd5+ 56. Kb8 Qb5 57.
b7 Qf1 58. Rcc1 Qf4+ 59. Ka8 Qe4 60. Rg1 f5 61. Rae1 Qa4+ 62. Kb8 Qc6 63. Re2
Qd6+ 64. Ka7 Qc5+ 65. Ka8 Qa5+ 66. Kb8 Qd8+ 67. Ka7 Qa5+ 68. Kb8 Qd8+ 69. Ka7
Qa5+ 70. Kb8 Qd8+ 71. Ka7 Qa5+ 72. Kb8 Qd8+ 73. Ka7 Qa5+ {Game drawn by repetition} 1/2-1/2

In all seriousness..  I got serious in this match, turned off my music and disabled the chat.  I really wanted to win and get some points (this guy was rated 200 points higher than me).  This is really how I need to play EVERY online match.  The game ended in a draw... I missed a move in the endgame which probably would have won me the game.  The move was 56 ...Qd4 !! instead of  ...Qb5.  The opening was a bit unusual to say the least... I'm not very familiar with Reti-type Openings.  On move 41 I found the only move I could make to stay alive (possibly even a winning move) ...h2!!  I need to analyze the game with Fritz... I might write more posts about this game.

There will be another day!

- Lizzi

Just a Man

Rising up, back on the street Did my time, took my chances Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet Just a man and his will to survive So many times it happens too fast You trade your passion for glory Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past You must fight just to keep them alive It's the eye of the tiger It's the thrill of the fight Rising up to the challenge of our rival And the last known survivor
Stalks his prey in the night And he's watching us all with the eye of the tiger....

Part of lyrics from "Survivor", "Eye of The Tiger"

He Tried the StOnewall (FICS 10.14.20)

 
1. f4 d5 2. Nf3 Nf6 3. e3 g6 4. c3 Bg7 5. d4 c5 6. Bd3 c4 7. Bc2 Bg4 8. O-O
Ne4 9. Nbd2 Nxd2 10. Bxd2 Nc6 11. Qe1 e6 12. Qg3 Bf5 13. Ba4 O-O 14. Nh4 Bd3
15. Rfe1 Ne7 16. Nf3 Nf5 17. Qh3 f6 18. g4 Ne7 19. g5 Bf5 20. Qh4 Be4 21. Rf1
Nf5 22. Qh3 Bxf3 23. Rxf3 fxg5 24. Bc2 gxf4 25. e4 Qg5+ 26. Kh1 dxe4 27. Bxe4
Ne3 28. Qxe6+ Kh8 29. Rg1 Qh5 30. Qd6 Rae8 31. Bxb7 Ng4 32. Rg2 Ne3 33. Bxe3
fxe3 34. Rxf8+ Rxf8 35. Rg1 e2 36. Bg2 Qf5 37. Qc6 Qf2 38. Qe6 Bh6 39. Qe5+
Bg7 40. Qe4 Bh6 41. d5 Be3 42. Qe5+ Kg8 43. Qe6+ Rf7 44. Qe8+ Kg7 45. Qe5+
Kh6 46. Qxe3+ Qxe3 47. Re1 Qf2 48. Rg1 e1=Q {KnightMeKing resigns} 0-1

I played this guy 3 times today and got 2/3.  Both times he played Bird's Opening.  In the game he played the Stonewall, generally you do not want to do this as white.  White should always play for the initiative from the very beginning.  My opponent should have went for the draw by repetition after 38 ...Bh6.  

- Lizzi

"Like Pouring Concrete down a HOLY WELL"

 Keep running in circles... story of my life!  I always end up in my GD hometown in Illinois.  Nothing ever goes right!  I don't want to go anywhere for a long time.  I'm tired of all the running around.. it gets me nowhere, just wastes a lot of money.  Sometimes we look too far for the answers without realizing they're right in front of us.  

I spent the last two days camping in the forests of Southern Illinois.  Not much fun for me.  The last night my pills made me sick.  I spent the whole night vomiting.  Those pills do that to me from time to time.  I want off of them.. ALL OF THEM.  I saw a scene in Pawn Sacrifice (The Bobby Fischer movie) where one of Fischer's team members mentioned Bobby taking a pill.. the other responded that that would be like pooring concrete down a Holy well, yes the priest said that to I believe the attorney.  Bobby was weird.  I'm weird.  Bobby would have never taken any psychiatric medications.  I did.  BIG mistake.  My body is addicted to them now.

 I'm getting older, I see many and many things come and go.  When I log into chess servers like FICS and ICC, I am reminded of all the people I used to talk to on there many years ago.  Some of them died, some gave up the game.  Some... who knows???  Those chat rooms were great.  I talked to a lot of people on there regularly.  Only a couple now that I knew since wayyyy back in the day.  Good times.  

 I'm exhausted.. can't think of much to write right now.  I still watch online for upcoming tournaments from the United States Chess Federation.  They are all still getting canceled because of the current pandemic.  USCF has a new online rating feature.  All the tournaments are going online.  I don't care to get an online rating... it's just not the same.  

I'm just waiting for things to move on...

 There will be another day!

 thanks for reading 

- Lizzi 

Chess

Even to this day I still am trying to figure out what I want to dedicate my life to.  Maybe chess is it, maybe not.  However, (I shouldn't be saying this) I lost my passion for the game (chess) many years ago.  I just don't have that drive in me anymore like I did when I was a teenager.  Actually,  I don't think I have a drive left in me for anything.  

Sometimes, I ask myself, "What is the point of playing chess competitively if  you're not going to get the master title and play on a national level?".  Why should I do it?  What is the point of playing just for fun?  On the other hand, without amateurs like myself, there would be  no professionals.  I guess you could say that by my playing, I'm supporting the game Worldwide.  

Can I still even improve my game at my age?  Sure, I can become more knowledgeable in endgames studying endgame diagrams, and I can expand on my knowledge of openings.  However, I doubt I can improve my core playing skill.  

I am good at the game (I won't deny that).  One of the best days of my life was a tournament I won back in 2012 in my hometown.  When I look back on it, I wonder how that didn't give me the motivation to start busting my ass everyday, working on improving my play.  I had an friend from Italy who once told me a while back to find my passion again for the game.  Is this really something someone can do.. to make things find passion again in something they lost their passion for before?  Maybe...  I think that, perhaps, chess is who I am (been playing in tournaments since 1996) and for me to give up the game is not being true to myself.  I wish I could find a career in chess organizations like the United States Chess Federation.  I mean, obviously I'm not going to be a professional chess player, but perhaps I can still find a profession in chess (in the chess world).

"You bring something to society by being a damn good chess player!"  -  G. Jokipii

I'm heading south soon.  I can't be around for the cold weather.  Some nights I have to sleep in my car.  I am effectively homeless at this time.  But, I have a car with a warm blanket, pillow and a lot of chess books!

- Lizzi